Four hours of drinking and partying, followed by a needed hour-long reprieve and I walk out the door. The world is a bit hazy and there is a slight stumble accompanied by an added heaviness to my steps that suggests I definitely should go back upstairs to sleep it off on the couch. Disregarding logic, I push on.
Dew has settled on my windshield, I should have brought a hoodie. Unlock the door and start the engine with the flawless precision of someone who has driven in this state ten too many times.
Small town roads are always empty at 4:00 am, I’ll take the back roads to avoid the two cops that may be out at this hour.
Man, that was a fun night, I can’t believe Mitchell punched a hole in the wall. Haha, that boy’s nuts. Doing 55 in a 30 down a road affectionately known as the Cross-Town Highway, a straight shot lined by farms on either side leading to a winding jaunt through the woods. I love this stretch of road, there is a sense of peace watching corn fly by, and here comes the best part. Slip out of 5th, coast, tap the breaks, bank out a little for the first turn, drop into 4th, annnnd gun it… My rear tires catch sand on the side of the road from this past winter. I begin to fishtail, steering to correct my impromptu drift. My heart matching my RPMs. The slide continues. Finally, my tire catches a pothole. Launching forward, steering unresponsive, SMASH! The front of my car wrapped around a sturdy maple, I dangle impaled by a low hanging branch.
Along the windy road, I drive, coming to the end of the Cross-Town Highway. I pass through the sleepy town of three thousand residents. Stopped at the one light in town the bridge over the Connecticut river awaits.
A cop pulls up to my right as I get the green. Drive normal, don’t do anything suspicious, he has no reason to come after you. You’re just a guy heading to work at someplace where people head to work at this hour. Do the speed limit. He has no reason to pull your black ass over if you do the speed limit.
The officer turns right on red to follow me. That’s fine. It’s 4 am. It’s fine. Damn my hearts racing. My hands are shaking and he hasn’t even turned his lights on yet. Did he just flash me? No, no, no, that was just a bump in the road. My hands are shaking a lot. Tense up that’ll help. A twitch in my shoulder throws my steering wheel sharp right. I panic and smash the gas instead of the break. The curb gives me lift enough to slide atop the bridges rot-iron fence, the last second’s acceleration provides the momentum to slip the boundary. In a nosedive, staring at the black water, arms still tense, foot still on the gas, I’m gonna drown! Oh Shit! This is Not How I wanted to go out! Falling comes to an abrupt end, front end hits, the airbag deploys rendering me unconscious, I drown as the car sinks to the floor.
Right signal on, Slow down for the sharp turn. Let’s see what he’s going to do. And we’re turning, still turning. YES! Officer late night went straight. Almost there. I love how there’s never anyone on River Road. Speed picks back up, 50 in a 30; nice wide curves make the drive enjoyable.
Left on Mountain View rd. Here we go. Once at the top, pop out of gear, and coast down the other side. I love this drive in the spring. All the snow is gone, no more ice to worry about. I wonder how much one these houses up here costs? 150K? They’re not that big. Maybe more like 300 though, this is some pretty nice real estate. Ooh, a deer! You’re out early Ms. Deer. Bye, Ms. Deer. That was cute. Clutch, slide out of gear, and wiggle, wiggle to make sure I didn’t slide into another. Gravity show me your power, 40,,, 45,, 50, 55, 60, 65- Oh Fuck Pot Hole! Swerving to avoid the one I see I hit another thrusting me into the guard rail head-on. The force of the impact rips the steel cables from their posts, stopping the front of the car just over the cliff’s edge, with momentum carrying the back end up, catapulting my vehicle into a summersault through the treetops, crumpling the roof upon landing.
Aww, just two more turns then I’m Home. And rolling stop, now right onto 5 & 10. How much do I have in my account? I have to get gas in the morning. Hmmm, well payday is Wednesday this week. Soooo, as long as I have $30, I should be good until then. Food’s all set until then. The cats don’t need anything. Cool cool. I think it’ll be a good week.
I make my final left and park, engine off, lights off, brake on, and keys out of the ignition. Sweet, I made it. Go inside and pass out.
7:30 am, alarm blaring, Wait… What? How did I get home last night?